I woke up this morning, about 4am, and the first thing I was aware of was a joy in my heart. I felt an overflowing sense of God's presence in me, an overwhelming reminder that something significant has changed. Yesterday I was ordained a Priest in the Church of God.
People came from all walks of my life; family and extended family, old friends and new, previous congregation and present, ordained and lay, Christian and those who have no idea what they believe.. but they were there for me, to support me on a day that they understood matters to me. For that I will be forever grateful.
It was emotional, there were tears (obviously!), it was exciting, surreal, amazing and so many other things all at the same time.
I made promises, not answering that I can undertake this calling on my own, not claiming that I have the strength in my to minister myself, but saying with confidence that 'by the help of God I will'. In his strength alone can I hold the weight of this calling.
I prostrated myself on the ground, I held my arms out so my body made the sign of the cross; in this act I surrendered myself to God for his service. I poured out my heart and soul and said 'here I am God'.
Then came the moment of ordination. The moment I had seen and felt the power of when I watched a colleague ordained priest last year. The bishop laid his hands upon my head, and then I felt the weight of the hands of so many others, colleagues in the wider church, and colleagues and friends I have shared the journey with. I was ordained by some of the most important and special people in my life. A tear rolled down my cheek as the weight lifted, and I listened to my friends experiencing the same moment on their journey.
I was handed a bible, another sign of the foundations of my life, of the scripture that will sustain me and help me to minister and teach others.
The bishop anointed my hands with oil. He made the sign of the cross on my palms. Someone handed me a cloth to wipe it, but I just held my hands open and stared at the shining mark of oil. I felt the power of that sign and an assurance that even when the oil dries, the crosses will always be there; like the mark of the cross on my forehead when I was baptised, it never goes.
People clapped as we turned towards them, four newly ordained priests. My friend tells me I was beaming, glowing, I looked like a kiddy on Christmas morning. In actual fact it felt like all my Christmases had come at once!! A gift that God offered to me almost 20 years ago, and begun to grow 6 years ago, was opened before my very eyes. He brought me to this moment, to where I had longed to be.
Sharing the peace with so many loved ones, so many friends and family, was overwhelming and an incredible moment. I couldn't get to everyone, so many people came out to be there, to witness this special moment.
A chalice and paten containing bread and wine was handed to me by a member of the congregation whom I serve. A sign of the sacrament that I have so longed to preside over.
Tonight I get to do that. I get to celebrate my first Mass in the church I serve in Chelmsford. I get to stand behind the altar, at that threshold between earth and heaven, and I get to bring people to God's table. I get to bring people to the table here on earth, the shadow of the heavenly banquet, and I can say come and draw near with faith. Jesus did this for us, let us do this in remembrance of him.
I have valued my first year as a Deacon, and will continue to value my role as a Deacon as the foundation of my ministry; however, this last year I have felt something is missing. I have felt that I am not quite full up. Yesterday went some way to filling the space and I am certain this evening will fill me to overflowing.
I can't promise to always be the best priest around, to always get things right, but I can promise that I will do my very best. I will baptise new believers in the name of the father, son and Holy Spirit, in God's name I will bless couples who come to the church to be married, I will comfort the bereaved and bury the dead with respect and honour, I will teach and preach from the holy scripture and share God's word with whoever I can, I will celebrate the holy Eucharist and stand at the table in the place that i saw myself standing 20 years ago. Those 20 years ago when I was only 9 or 10 years old, I watched in awe as the blessing of bread and wine took place before me and I knew, absolutely knew, that I would be doing that one day.
There is so much more that will come and I look forward to seeing where and who my ministry leads me to.
Thank you so much to everyone who has seen me to this day, who will continue to support me in my ministry, without you I would not be writing these words today. This only goes a little way to start processing the feelings and emotions inside me right now, I'm pretty sure I will be processing this for the rest of my life.
God bless you all